02 Oct Long Distance Relationships Are Bulls**t
They really are…I can prove it
Several years back I found myself in a wonderful yet delusional “long distance relationship”. I was dating an athlete who lived and worked overseas. He was hella FINE, charming, and did everything right. Gifts for holidays, birthdays, and always knew what to say. Sounds great right? So what went wrong?
First of all, I was his girlfriend but I don’t think he was my boyfriend (lol hence the delusional part). Most of our communication was via text only and by most I mean 99%. There was no solid foundation there and before too long the situation ended in heart break and disappointment for me. At that moment I decided two things. Men don’t do well with distance and I was never doing that shit again.
Oops! I did it again
Fast forward to 2018 and BAM! I find myself in yet another long distance relationship (rolls on floor throws tantrum*). I didn’t mean to be, I was minding my own business happy in my nice local relationship and then my boyfriend of 3 years was given an offer he couldn’t refuse. As I read his offer letter and saw how his sweet eyes lit up at the new possibilities that awaited him in California I was so excited for him.
At the same time I thought no, no, and hell no. He immediately begin discussing plans for me to move to Cali with him. While I am very open to the idea, I do believe in doing things decent and in order. I need to plan things and have my ducks in a row. My grown ass is too grown to follow a boyfriend out of state. Even though I was not ready to move to Cali right away, I happen to love this man, so I decided to keep him. Hence the birth of a long distance relationship. So how are things going? That’s a reasonable question.
In my Drake voice lol. On the one hand, I miss the luxury of seeing each other every day, but absence does make the heart grow fonder. I appreciate things about him that I took for granted before. This is NOT going to be a how to post that gives you step by step instructions on long distance dating. I am still feeling this thing out and am by no means an expert. Each situation is different, but in my limited experience with it so far I think some things hold true across the board.
If you build a strong bond before you become long distance or in spite of the distance that is a great thing. The more connected you feel to someone the more likely to put in effort you will be. There is a thin ass line between absence making your heart grow fonder or out of sight becoming out of mind.
Some Flags Are Just Red AF…
As I stated earlier I am no expert. I am just sharing my experience with you. Let me preface this by saying that my boyfriend is kind of an anomaly. He has the perfect blend of looks (in my opinion and the only one that counts in this case), brains (he is hella smart, he tutored me to an A in physics in college), and humility. He values family, feels women should be revered and is taller than me in heels.
Did I mention the French accent? Oui s’il vous plait!
Aside from the surface things I love about him one thing I have yet to mention stands out. I trust him. That is HUGE for me because I could share some stories with you about having my trust betrayed that will have you laughing and crying at the same dam time. Based on what we all have been through let’s be honest ladies and gentlemen some flags are just red as fuck. You know them when you see them so don’t choose to ignore them. Someone once told me when a man is really into you he feeds off of your energy.
He needs to hear your voice and see your face. I have to say I agree with that. Now with technology there is no reason why that can’t happen even if there is physical distance and a time difference between you. If your only communication is via text that may be a flag on the play (blows whistle*).
Pass the Cliffs Notes
I wish I had 5 things to make your long distance relationship work, but I don’t. Not because I couldn’t think of any, but because there is no cheesy magic formula that works for everyone. I think if both people stay honest with one another, consider the other persons needs first, and communicate it just might work. (I low-key just gave you 3 things..you’re welcome lol)
Here is why I say long distance relationships are bullshit and don’t work, because well they are…
Here is the proof, you can be in the same city, hell the same house and be in a long distance relationship.
Distance is a measurement of how far apart objects are, in physics distance can refer to a physical length OR an estimation based on other criteria. In my particular case I am going to focus on the criteria that bonds us together rather than the miles that physically have us apart. 🙂
Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? What do you feel worked for you and what did not? Did it last? I am asking for a friend 😉 Sound off below.
Photographs by Ray Thomas + Sue Sidzina